Michael breathed in at the pause in the conversation, passed the phone from his right hand to his left, and then let out his sigh.
On the other end of the phone, Mae asked him, “I don’t mean to be annoying or anything, but I have to ask.”
Michael flopped backwards onto his bed. “Please don’t.”
“I think that answers my question.”
“I know, I know. I need to clean it out, just…”
“Just nothing, you need to do it.”
Michael rubbed his face with his free hand. “I know.”
“You can do it dude. You’ve already come so far, and I just know that you can keep going.”
“I want to clean it. I really do.” Michael rested his hand on his chest. “Haven’t taken a bath in…since…in a long time.”
“Is that why you can’t clean it?”
Michael got quieter. “What are you saying?”
“Just, like, is, you know, he, is he the reason you can’t clean the tub?”
Michael sat up and swung his legs off the side of the bed. “I mean, I guess. It’s like, when anyone else is here they smell mildew, but for me, it smells like him.”
“Oh…okay.”
“I don’t mean he smelt like mildew or mold! I just mean that I don’t smell what everyone is smelling. It smells, to me, like his cologne, the smell of the sheets after he woke up, his chest when he held me, I guess.”
For a moment, just a brief one, the line was silent.
Michael broke the silence “Do you think…if I told him I love him, that he’d still be here?”
(more…)